THE WOMAN
WHO WANTED TO BE PERFECTHave you won a reading with me? Find the winner's name somewhere in the
following article.
Edell' tells me she's 'dying inside.' Her children are grown and her husband died in 2005. Her life has been her family. Now that the distraction of family is over, her personal faults she thinks, are bedeviling her even more than they have all her life.
"I feel I'm not worthy," she tells me. "I have felt this way since childhood and it's played havoc with me. I know why I feel this way but I can't get over it."
She says that growing up.. and even now, her father did and does everything for her brothers but nothing for her.
"My father has always given my brothers money to go to college, get training, go to classes, and gives them money to start businesses. For me? Nothing. Nada. Never. He has always overlooked me, his daughter."
Edell has attempted to build a number of businesses and careers on her own but now she is deeply in debt.
"All my life I have gone to and go to, every class and seminar and person that promises to help me with this issue," she says.
"All the psychics tell me how successful I will be, but it doesn't happen. I feel totally blocked about money. I keep working to improve myself but all these classes and events just dangle hope and take my cash. It's been years and years and years that I've been working to improve myself. But, nothing changes. What's wrong with me?"
What's 'wrong', of course, is that she was overlooked in childhood and as an adult, by her father. She has taken on his perception of her that says she is lacking and less than her brothers, that she is not valuable.
She knows all this, and she constantly works to remove the stain left on her from her father's mind but still, nothing changes for her.
Now, I tell Edell something she doesn't expect..or even wants to hear.
"You Edell, are addicted to Self Improvement. It's an addiction, the same as being an alcoholic, drug addict, a cosmetic surgery addict, heavy smoker, intense athlete, workaholic, worrier or any other addiction you can think of.
"You are Addicted to Self-Improvement and unless you bite off the addiction's head, your compulsion to be a Perfect Self, acceptable to your father...and to yourself...will never end.
"Give it up," I say. "Enjoy your life. Give up your addiction a bit at a time. You're already a Perfect Being, you know. You're God having Curious Adventures and Experiences. We all are.
"Gradually, give up the courses and the classes. I know it's shockingly hard to do that, because it's like sugar to your brain, but try giving it up one bite at a time. Start by cutting down."
Edell sighs and I know what she's thinking. She's thinking that this is impossible. That she must...that she has to keep taking self-improvement courses and perfect herself, that she must remove the 'money block' and that she has to erase the issues that bind her.
However, her compulsion and striving for self understanding and perfection has become her stumbling block. She's like a human rodent, racing on a rusty wheel and a sucker for whatever class, course or person promises her relief. Joana Gheta, you have won a free reading with me.
I know about this.
My father was unkind to me, too.
All my life I've been a workaholic and I'm always searching for perfect health. I used to work endlessly at romantic relationships, too. My father said I was a 'Dumb Head' and was otherwise verbally and emotionally abusive. He taught me to look for men just like him, men that would make me feel worthless.
I unconsciously felt, 'I gotta' lot to prove!'
One day, much later in my tortured life I finally said, "I'm done. I've had enough of this struggle. This suffering. I'm not working at Relationships anymore. They'll come or they won't. They'll work out or they won't. No more suffering for me."
Lately, regarding my work, I am allowing myself more relaxation and freedom. I sometimes make myself sit outside on the patio while the work waits and I read a book.
The perfect health thing is getting harder to achieve as I get older. More and more I am accepting whatever comes and loosening my grip on the old worn out obsession. I am easier on myself. Not quite so rigid. Gone are most of the juice fasts and the strict health diets, although I still have a big interest in the Odd and I'm not ready to give that up!
Now, I drink wine. I eat fat. My pants are tight and my waist muffins up over the top button on my jeans. From 107 lbs I've now become 'curvaceous' and 'cute', in my own mind. I like the new look. I work at liking my 'cuter' self!
Is it easy to stop being perfect, or striving for the perfection that someone else has instilled in your mind... or even to stop the something nameless, or something 'other' that's driving you?
No!
Anyone with a poor self image, obsessions, worries, compulsions and addictions of any kind often finds it impossible to quit them. Until, that is, we finally notice that we have become worn out with being run by them, with having them interrupt, disrupt and manage our lives for their own benefit.
It doesn't matter what is behind these addictions or habits. It doesn't matter if it's a quirk in our head or a chemical imbalance. Yes, it's helpful if we find the 'why' behind them and we are fortunate if we get it fixed. But, for those of us who don't and can't get that release...we who must carry on...we have to take a stand. We have to take a stand with ourselves and say, 'This is enough.'
Think now, for example, of the person who runs and exercises excessively. Yes, it seems admirable. You see these people everywhere, running for health and looks but actually, far too often, ruining their knees and feet and hips. They're up at dawn, pounding down the hard roads, biking into oblivion, drinking gritty power drinks and sweating their life away. Why? What inner voice drives them? Is it truly their own voice saying they must be healthy, they must look good, they must be thin..or is it someone else's voice?
Why are they running to be perfect?
Pick and imagine any addiction or compulsion. If you are held hostage by one (or more) you may not be able to see it or them in yourself.
If someone tells you, 'Lighten up, you're a hamster on a wheel,' you might think, 'Yes, and you are a fat toad. You need to be out here running with me or eating right, drinking hard, romancing and dancing, improving yourself, 'getting somewhere, etc'.)
Think about it.
What is it you just have to do or be in your life?
Consider cutting back, bit by bit. Give yourself some slack time. Have a different kind of fun. See if you can do it!
What do you think? Can you?
Are you willing to be perfect in the eyes of God, or do you need to be perfect in the eyes of your father, your mother, the boss, the boyfriend, the world...or yourself?
As for me, I'm stopping work, now. There's a pile of emails that are yelling at me and I'm feeling driven to answer them....but instead, I'm pouring a big glass of ruby red wine and carving myself a hunk of yellow cheese. I'm calling my cats to join me and I'm off to sit on my patio with the birds in the trees, the cats and the wind chimes.
Will you join me here?
Note from 'Edell': "Yes, Venus use my story! I want to help other women, that is my passion. It was so powerful having my mother and 'Ken' there with me during our phone session with you." (We spoke with her husband 'Ken' and mother who are on the Other Side.) "I was so touched, more than you will ever know. Yes use me.
I feel a real connection to you.
Thanks for all you do." 'Edell'
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